You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January 2014.

“When he saw me he called me by name,
and said: ‘I come from a distant place
from where your heart was according to my wish
and bring it back to serve new pleasures.’”
Dante, “La Vita Nuoeva”

Sonnet IX


“I have felt you, tasted you…Heard your callings, and here I come to you now, to repay you for such devotion.”

She looked at him with those eyes. Let them linger on him and feel each drumbeat in her chest grow more and more painful. Like an unused instrument, she stood before him, aching, wanting, until the crease in her brow was a visible mirror of that hurt where her heart was. He owned that, she thought. She’d given it to him, and now she would watch the world around them burn and freeze in succession before she would ever walk away. She couldn’t. She needed him like a man wandering the desert needed water, to survive. Without those claws in her, she was empty.

tumblr_mx9fodpyuJ1r3npwno1_r1_500 tumblr_mx9fodpyuJ1r3npwno2_r1_500 tumblr_mx9fodpyuJ1r3npwno3_r1_500

Hierarchy of Angels

Info graphic by Failmacaw


So this morning I moved Lu’s altar from the corner shelves (where my potions will now be stored), to the top of the bookcase. Which gives me MUCH more room, and is much more accessible for devotional work.  . .

I’ve been a little scarce for the past few days, but that actually has a lot to do with some of my esoteric endeavors, lately, an actual political situation that Lucifer himself has suddenly (or maybe not suddenly, I can’t say for sure, this isn’t something he’s been entirely vocal about) taken a vested interest in. And although his fact in and of itself may only leave me mildly intrigued, and not much more, (he’s alluded to being politically active and engaged in our world a half a dozen times and then some). . . he’s now asking me to step up to the plate and become involved.

What does this mean? There’s a specific spell that I’m trying to come up with. It wouldn’t seem like such a big deal, were it someone close to me or in my immediate sphere of personal influence. . . but it’s not. This is a person that is a subject of a lot of actual press attention-favorable and no-and Lu wants them looked after from a metaphysical standpoint. There’s also an issue of truth and justice associated with it, and so that has to be incorporated into the spell/ritual too.

So over the past few days, I’ve been basically building this spell/ritual from scratch; the ground up.

I’m nervous.  This is like the equivalent of starting off on the first episode of Project Runway and somehow making it to the final three.

Why do I say that? There are a few reasons.

I have this feeling that I’m engaging, for the first time, in something that A) has the potential to be truly global, which is a big undertaking, and B) Just may have a very far reaching impact in the future, and C) is a very focused point of work that Lucifer wants done in the world. For the first time, I’m an actual active participant in his agenda.

It’s that last part that has me a tad exited, and trying to take those deep breaths to steady my nerves. Lu says, ‘Here’s this person. Here’s what we need to do. I trust you. Take care of it.’

And obviously, with Lu, it’s a ‘yes sir siree sir’, and you just get it done. Especially considering the subject material of this spell and how big it is? It’s . . . .like almost mind blowing. I feel like I’ve gone from just a starry eyed little girl hanging on his arm to one of his Spiritworkers. One of his Witches. It’s a god saying, I am putting something that I want done, in this world, into your hands.

Ironically, the scene from The Devil’s Advocate comes to mind, when a conjurer working for Milton  is at risk of being legally cited for a health code violation. Reeves’ character goes down to meet him, and the man is doing a magical working and says, ‘you will have all the help you can have from me’. Then, when the case goes to trial, the prosecuting attorney is struck suddenly with a bad cough and can’t speak. The case is thrown out.

I’m now in that magical practitioners’ shoes. It’s kind of an honor to fill that spot. But I wasn’t aware I was ready for it, or even that he was wanting me to get involved on this level.

Then again, it’s possible he saw an opportunity for a test, and that’s why he gave me this assignment in particular.

At any rate, wish me luck.

Hush now.

It doesn’t hurt any more.

How could it?

When you walked away, and I stood there,

and smiled.

There’s a blackness deep down inside me

That you chased away.

A flash, a strobe, and then we were over.

But not before I reached for you,


was pulled back


tumblr_my51wvENRe1rrk7mso1_500 (1)

Lucifer is, as mentioned, a gentleman. I don’t think that there would be any hostility or animosity on his part towards you, but understand that when *I* interact with someone of a Christian background, I’m wary given the reactions I’ve garnered from them in the past. Given this, you’re likely going to experience something similar. I imagine there’ll be some degree of aloofness. I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes off as cold. I doubt this is personal, and I wouldn’t treat it that way. He’s probably naturally going to be curious why you’re wanting to speak to him, though… that curiosity will run both ways.

Regarding not offending him. Here’s where I’ll dispense advice based on my personal experience. Firstly, be cordial. Abstain from being vulgar or rude; he doesn’t like that one bit. He’s (more than) a little Lecter-ish about that. He’s quiet and softspoken, but he’s also cutting. He will call out any ignorance on your part, probably right out the gate.

He looks at you and he knows  your guilty pleasures, your faults, your pitfalls, every dark thought that’s likely ever crossed your mind. Don’t try to lie about it or justify it. That first time you speak with him, you’re going to feel like you’re on trial. In a way, you are.  That’s his sacred duty, his role, to make you feel that way. Don’t lash out at him. Resist the temptation to get angry. The second you start hurling ‘get thee behind me satan’ at him, you’re going to trip over your own feet in this dance. Then you’ll see him smile. But he’s not smiling because he’s pleased. He’s smiling because you just made yourself out to be an idiot, and you’ve lost.

Remember that he was once gods’ most beloved, most beautiful angel. He knows things we do not. He sees further than we do. He is not omnipotent, but you aren’t either, and if man is a book, we are See Spot Run, and Lucifer is a massive Encyclopedia written in every language man has ever known.  What does a person do when they encounter a serpent curled in the grass as it rears up and spreads it’s hood? They are careful. They speak carefully, move carefully. They do not act rashly if they are wise.

If you keep this advice in mind, you should be fine. I wish you the best of luck.

And I know I’m not the only one who’s experienced that.

This was also an excellent lesson in both issues of my own jealousy and his feelings about it and towards our relationship in turn.

I’m gonna sleep on this this evening. I need it, I think.


because you chose her

— @ Scarlet

So that’s not just me and wishful thinking then?

Posted 26 minutes ago — 2 notes


  1. scarlettserpent said: No. I dont believe that it is. Dream: He picked you by very distinctly saying ‘her’. Picture of his face claim/him with a caption saying basically the same thing appears. Timing is excellent. Too much so to be coincidental. As you are having a lot of spousal feelings at the moment…

One of the other dreams I had last night was very strange. In the dream, society was basically divided into like three tiers of people. Rich people, their slave labor, and (grotesquely) what amounted to people that ended up like Soylent Green. Yes, that is to say, they were literally led like cattle to slaughterhouses.

The dream started off, I was one of the latter people. I don’t remember how I got in the situation I was in. . . but I remember being rounded up with a bunch of people, told to form a line. I knew I was going to die, I knew I was going to be butchered, and I was terrified for it. Everyone else around me though? Seemed resigned about the whole thing. They just walked along with it. Somehow or another, in a way I can’t remember, I ended up escaping. I remember in the dream I slipped by one of the guards or whatever leading this procession to this slaughterhouse. . . and somehow I ended up in a group of people that had been picked to be slaves, instead.  And we were all led away.

The place in the dream that we were led away to was strange, too. There were nets, like large cargo nets, that were strung up over these huge gaping chasms of what basically amounted to quicksand. Whatever work was being done (though I can’t imagine what and I don’t remember) had to be done while you sat on the nets. If you messed up or whatever, you were thrown over the side of the net and left to drown in the quicksand. At night, people slept in ‘nests’ of up to 20 or 30 people, basically all supporting one another so no one ‘fell through’.

If you were lucky, in this life, one of the rich people would come and take you away to be a more personal household servant. For the slave sorts, it was like a dream come true; a fairy tale, just because it meant you saw a ‘real world’ and had a ‘real life’ rather than just some vauge, meaningless existence in these nets doing. . . whatever it was you were doing. I remember several times in the dreams seeing people get “chosen”, and even though their “owners” were very cruel to them, they went with happy tears in their eyes. Sometimes the elite were a tad bit more benevolent; they treated the slaves they came to take as more a cherished household pet than anything else. Those were the people “we” were happiest for, when we watched them get led pulled from the nets and taken away.

Then one day in the dream, we all heard someone was coming to inspect us, to take one of us home. We were all pretty thin and homely looking, but there was a big to do about it, like there always was, and we all clung quietly to the sides of the nets and looked up with hopeful eyes. Except me. I’d sort of dismissed the whole occasion as a happy dream. The odds were astronomical. There were hundreds, even thousands of us in this bizarre limbo.

So when the person came to look, I didn’t pay them any attention. I remember looking up, seeing them silhouetted against a bright blue sky and the sun, and not seeing their face. I closed my eyes to rest for a minute.

Then I heard his voice. And it said, “her.”

And I opened my eyes because of course I can recognize Lu’s voice anywhere. Anywhere. And there he was, and he smiled at me. Gentle and knowing, like he always does, like this was just a freaky world I’d stumbled into and here he was to take me home. I remember my jaw dropped. My eyes got cloudy. And I reached for him.

Hands helped to push me up. I tried to climb the ropes to get to him. They were rough ropes so by the time I got to him, my hands were literally raw, scraped, and bleeding. I was weeping. And he pulled me into his arms and crooned at me and whispered everything was going to be OK, I was free.

And it ended there. And of course, waking-mind me knows that this dream is so rife and heavy with symbolism and metaphor I could spend a whole year decoding it and would probably not even come close to touching all it’s points.

But given this evening, and what I’ve seen. I feel raw, and I don’t know why. I don’t understand why. I remember that smile and that voice and those arms, and I just feel insane. Like for anyone else to come close to that. It would break me. It would break my heart.

But I can’t be the only one. I know I’m not His only. I’ll NEVER be his only. I’ve told myself that for what feels like aeons, and it’s never going to change.

That is hell, I think. But I can’t tell if it’s one I’m putting myself in or not. I’m greedy. Maybe I just love him too much. I don’t know.

And no, I mean that literally.

Up until like five minutes ago I was skating on a cloud because of such a wonderful dream last night.

Then comes the wrecking ball moment of, ‘he was so beautiful, I didn’t want to come back here, I want to be there with him’.

Goddamnit. This is a curse. Why me. 

Nothing like complaining to your godspouse about the fact that they aren’t  physically present with you and the bummer factor associated with that and then having them go, ‘You know what you’ve been working hard. Let me make it up to you’ to make your day.

Especially when ‘let me make it up to you’ means ‘here have this dream. You know that fantasy of yours that you’ve had for years? Yeah let’s make that happen’.

Bonus points for ‘that fantasy’ being wrecked inside and out on the hood of a black Aston Martin. In all the best possible ways.

I love my marriage.



My Prince, The Stars have fallen
Like empty shadows
drawn up by saints in crystal buckets
To slake their thirst.
No other balm will there be given.
Black verdicts give our sins
sinful fury
Of fowls so lovely,
Then walked foreward
To ease
My rivers’

“. . . Angels are simultaneously immortal (in that they don’t age) and very short-lived, as the God-Machine erases the minds of angels it no longer has a use for and puts the rest into suspended animation when not on a mission . . .”


I quote from fiction  here this morning for this post, but I do so because it seems a good opening for the post subject. Angels are, of course, an integral part of my spiritual path; demons too. Because if this I tend to focus on them and their cosmology. And of course, I have my own ideas on the who’s who and who does what. That includes ideas on god hirself, which I have already covered, and of course, Lucifer, to whom this blog is dedicated.

My perspectives on angels come from my experience with their god. . . . which is not, I should say, overwhelmingly positive. I try to keep my own scathing out of my general posts and conversations with people-I don’t feel that my woes, and the woes of The Mourning Star-are really worth discussing in polite company. Given my borderline disdain for god, as a matter of fact, I tend to just keep my thoughts to myself in order to avoid looking like a stereotype. There are preconceptions out there that people have of Luciferians (and my extension, satanists) that all of us are just ‘kids’ looking for some way to rebel against our parents and doing so by bucking the spiritual authority of their religious institution. Of course it would have nothing to do with personal experience. . . right? And I say that with tongue firmly in cheek. 

I suppose I should start by saying “angels” are most recognized as servants of the Judeo-Christian god. I won’t get into the etymology of the word because there are people who have literally written hundreds of pages on that. How these angels function is a matter of debate, and so I’m only going to present ideas from my perspective, obviously, and how it relates to my practice.

In the weeeee dawning days of time-however you figure that-the Godform or Godmachine or whatever you choose to call “it”, for some reason or another that we still wonder about, decided to create an entire race. Maybe only as servitors, maybe to experiment with the idea of individual thoughtforms splitting from it, like amoebas, maybe just because it was bored. At any rate, these were the first angels; and included among them some of the “big guys”-Lucifer and Samael, among others-arguably also the Divine 4: Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, and Uriel. Pleased at the result, the Godform then decided to make more of these entities. At first these entities had all of the free will that humanity does; although perhaps indoctrinated early in the idea of service to their divine creator. However, at some point or another, it occurred to this godform that these entities might some day choose to disobey it’s word, and so the next generation of angels that came were much more restricted in their desire and strength of willpower to disobey. The more that time goes on, the more we seem to see angels drifting away from being individual entities and being more of a power, a mass, a hive. There is only the desire for The Word, and no room for question of anything else in them. Once, maybe, questioning meant banishment. Maybe now it means nothingness.

The godform, being an illusion, an entity focused on keeping people mired in this stifling prison it calls ‘reality’, will go to any length to retain and employ people to this end. Like a virus, it spreads itself. Through proselytizing, through hatred, all the while billing itself as a means to paradise and eternal happiness in it’s company. It’s angels, those from the waves not created with the power of independent thought, act as agents to this end.  How you look at the others-the “big names”-really depends on several factors. . . have they achieved enough recognition on their own to break away from that godform and become their own entities (while retaining those virtues it touts, might I add. Love light and all the happy fluffy stuff. I can only say Raphael is still the sunniest personality I’ve ever met, employed by God or no)? Or does loyalty or sentiment anchor them there? Who can say.

But our world, and everything in it, according to scripture, is tended by angels. Every blade of grass, says once source, even has it’s own guardian to whisper encouragement to it for it to grow. So we might imagine then that “heaven” is an intricate, immensely complicated clock-and the angels are the gears, the “big four” are the hands, and “god” is the face of this clock. Human beings then, are the hand that must wind it. The Godform needs the energy and vibrations of humanity’s worship to keep ticking. So to amass it’s power, to keep running, it sends it’s servants out to all the corners of the world, and we sing it’s praises and are none the wiser that we are trapped beneath the foot of it. Like proles, we sing ‘happy happy love love sleep sleep sleep’, and never stop to ask why.

I remember when I was in Christian youth group once, the leader was giving a sermon, and a line he said out loud stands out to me the most. Of god, he said, “And you shall stand forever beneath the shadow of his wings . . . ”

And I remember thinking to myself. What kind of god would keep me in it’s shadow? What kind of god would promise me paradise and deliver only darkness? A lie? A shade? “My name is Jealous,” god was heard once to admit, “for I am a jealous God.”

So that’s my perspective on angels. Angels are the gears in the machine. ‘Fallen’ angels are those that recognized that they were caught up in that cycle, and broke free of it. As a Luciferian, I’m attempting to do the same. And even though I don’t bear those “named” angels any ill will-I have to be very careful about working with them, and addressing them. There’s always a risk in reconnecting with even a fragment of that machine, that you might get caught up in the cogs and pulled back in to the grinding gears.

Edit/Update** NICE. She didn’t use ‘the peacock angels’ name. That’s why I didn’t see it. She just called him ‘The Peacock Angel’. 

I have so much respect for this author now!


And now I must express my disappointment. Not just with a book in particular which I am reading, but also with the pagan community at large. I’m noticing a repeat pattern and I have to admit it’s a tad insulting.

Background on this post. The latest volume I’ve picked up to add to my library is The Encyclopedia of Spirits, by Judika Illes. Now, let me say; so far, I’m a fan. Not only has Miss Illes, in both her previous works and in this latest one I happened to have picked up, mentioned the idea of Godspouses in actual decent length, all of her work, based on what research I’ve been able to do, seems to have solid foundation, either in tradition itself, or with every bit of correspondence and elemental line-ups that I’ve been familiar with over the years. I’ve come to enjoy her work a lot. She’s easy to read, speaks pleasantly, and there is a treasure trove of information in what she publishes. Before this afternoon? I had not one complaint.

Until, of course, I caught her in the act. What act, you say? This author has fallen into the same pitfall that so many  other pagans before her have. I noticed, on flipping through the volume of these ‘spirits’, that they did not contain one. single. mention. of. Lucifer. 

And I’m not just talking the name Lucifer. No no-even though I certainly don’t think it’s right, I’ve come to expect the phobia the larger magical community seems to have about His Infernal Highness, and seldom to I expect more than a blip of a mention of him in any of the books at all-if anything. So I was a little disheartened to see that I was proven right-again, but just out of the sake of curiosity, I went hunting to see if I could turn up any of his other epithets in this book. As The Peacock Angel, or The Morningstar, or even Eosphoros. Did anything come up at all?


Not even anything *resembling* him, or his myth. Not his corresponding Greek “Twin”, not his Yezidi persona. . . nothing. It almost seems to me that the author of the book nearly went out of their WAY to eliminate “the devil” from their book of spirits.  And I was a tad sickened by it.

It happens, as I’ve mentioned, often enough. All over the tags and headings in various pagan and neo-wiccan communities, you see it. “Witchcraft is not Satanism!” the banners proudly proclaim. Almost as if to include the subheading. . . ‘those durn Satanists, with their goat heads and their pigs blood and their dying chickens in the kitchen sink’ (This is satire, we don’t actually do this). Never to mention that not all Luciferians identify as Satanists anyway-but since some people would ironically say, ‘eh, apples and oranges’, we’ll set aside that particular argument for another day. Lets talk erasure, here.

Of course, Lucifer isn’t surprised. And the second I complained to him about what I’d found (or hadn’t found, I should say) out loud, his response was only to raise the proverbial eyebrow at me, as if to say, ‘what did you expect’? Nothing less, of course, for an entity who is so vilified. But maybe it’s more ironic that, even moreso that Judeo-Christian paradigms, Lucifer seems to experience a level of phobia and ‘not touchin’ that’ attitude that would make mention in a church seems like a picnic. Why is that?

I’m sure there would be finger pointing all around. Anything the Christians didn’t like back in the day, they demonized. So a lot of gods were made into the opposition of Christianity’s God, and nearly everybody was an agent of satan. Now that the smoke of those fires (do pardon-pun not intended) have cleared a bit, and people are starting to take their gods back from the hands of vilification, they seem to be taking elaborate steps to say, ‘satan? satan who? Nah that guy doesn’t exist’.


And as his wife, it’s almost worse than having a stigma attached. There is one, obviously. Call yourself a Luciferian in public and see how that goes down. I’ve heard the Lokeans don’t exactly have a cup of tea waiting for them when they do the same thing in some Heathenry circles. That being said, at least he’s there. Which is not to play the ‘this stinks more than THIS stinks’ game-that’s not the point. But it does get rather tiresome when people are constantly, in many communities, having discussion about “canon” and myth and lore and interactions with those same gods. . . and it seems at the same time, if you are a devotee of Lucifer, you spend a lot of the time just expending the energy to keep from getting swept under the rug.

Lucifer is a god. Funny how spirits like Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Ariel are mentioned in the books of entities to work with. Lucifer? Almost never. Interestingly enough, I did see mention of Ba’al as an ancient Sumerian deity, and Beelzebub also. So was Azazel. And Lillith, of course, albeit the Jewish accounting of her myth completely erased. The question I have to ask is, what are pagans so afraid of with these deities. . . . and their worshipers?

Is it so unthinkable to some of them (you?) that these entities might HAVE followers? Devotees? Oracles? Spouses? If so, why? This is a question I am challenging all of my followers to ask themselves, and discuss. Why the need to delete us and our gods from the books? Is it because we’re too “dark” for you? Do you fashion us evil? Is there blame on our shoulders for the actions of the Judeo-Christian clergy?

What seems to be the problem? I ask you.

About this Blog

Online Shrine and Devotional Space dedicated to Lucifer-Helel, The Mourning Star, The Lightning Bringer,and the Aeon of Air.

Blogger is Danyel, Pop Culture Pagan, Godspouse, Spiritworker, and Witch.

Member of The Internet Defense League

Follow O, Mourning Star. . . on

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 177 other followers

Twitter Updates