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Speaking with another godspouse this evening, reading an accounting of their relationship with their divine husband, responding to a comment that was made, I started to elaborate on something I’ve known in the back of my mind for a long time,  but never really had a cause to ponder until I actually set out to explain it to someone else. And when the thought came to me, it had the profound effect of making me feel a lot better about a lot of things. About being his wife, about relating to other wives, about the issue of jealousy and anger and everything else that I’ve felt when it comes to our past, and recent events. It’s a balm on my spirit, and on my heart.

What I’m about to say isn’t going to sit well with some people; I expect that. Actually were I anywhere else, I would expect a good degree of backlash over it. Right now, that doesn’t matter, and I find myself not caring about it. I’m tired of people’s petty dramas. I’m tired of people’s hypocritical judgmental attitudes, and the way that everyone polices everyone else instead of being concerned about their own selves. This is not only a sacred space for Lu, but I’ve got to start making it more than that. I’ve got to start making it a sacred space about both of us, because we’re both in this together. That is so important. So while I thank you for being a reader, here, your opinions on what I’m going to say don’t matter to me. And if they’re going to cause you to become offended or angry or any other [insert gripe here], you’re welcome to leave, but I don’t care. I’m going to ignore anyone and everyone who isn’t positive and supportive, or at least respectful. And that’s just part of taking care of myself.

Once, a while ago, someone came on my [now deleted] tumblr and asked how it was possible for people who work with different facets of Lucifer to reconcile the differences in canon and lore. For example, a pop culture pagan I know meets up with the Lucifer from the Supernatural verse. Given that I don’t believe in godforms and “aspects” and other diluted forms of godwork-and yes, I apologize if that sounds elitist, but I’ve already stated before that I’m a hard polytheist-how is it possible that the myth and gnosis of the Lucifer that I work with can have so many parallels to that of a fictional counterpart that people do have experience in working with and yet be so different at the same time? At first it may seem like the very idea conflicts with itself, but Lucifer was his usual graceful self in the way that he responded, and used a metaphor of a comet to explain the phenomenon of it to me.

As a comet flies through the solar system, it breaks up. At it comes closer and circles the sun, it sheds pieces of itself; usually ice, and this is what gives it the appearance of a “tail” trailing behind it. Lucifer described other “Lucifers” in the exact same way; that as he went on his walk through his exploratory venture through the cosmos,  (UPG* this was prior to his fall) pieces of him as a larger entity broke off and fell away. They scattered throughout creation as he hurled throughout existence, and in this way, parts of himself became their own beings. Sentient, their own small comets hurling through time, space, dimensions, reality, but never losing that little bit of themselves that was once a part of the grander entity.

In thinking about this, and contemplating my issue of jealousy and the words of my other godspouse friend, I was hit with a It very moving and profound motion. It doesn’t matter how “many” wives Lucifer has. My Lucifer is not Wrath’s Lucifer, is not Dawn’s Lucifer, is not whoever-elses-Lucifer here. He is grander than the one bottle both myself and others have tried to put him in.

There’s a bit of Gnostic lore that I read once upon a time-and pardon, I can’t remember exactly where, though I suspect it was Malcom Godwin, that states that when Lucifer treked through the universe, the path he walked led to the creation of The Milky Way. Maybe there are as many bits of him as there are stars in the same galaxy. Given that, it doesn’t matter how Lucifer appears to his followers, it doesn’t matter if he speaks to one wife differently than he does another, because he’s not the same for one as he is for another. My Lucifer, the one I know, has appeared to me in many, many forms. But the two things that have always been a constant, be it in dreams, in visions, in art, poetry, writing, anything; has been the pale jade of his eyes, and the base purr of his voice. I’ve recognized them no matter what face he’s wearing and who he’s speaking through. In dreams I can be running, and I can hear that voice calling me, and I  know I’m safe. I could be drowning and dying and see those eyes above me, and I know Lucifer is watching me, and he’s with me. It’s always been that way.

But that’s not the same pair of eyes that watches, say, Wrath, another Lucifers!Wife and my best friend. Do they have elements in common? Yes. Because they all came from the same source. Just like geneticists say that mankind, as diverse as we seem now, came from a bottleneck of material and everyone is somehow linked to everyone else. It’s the same idea.

So with that thought, and a crooning voice in my head, I understand now why he’s always told me not to worry. Not to give it so much thought, not to rip myself to shreds over it. I am his only wifethe only one he loves. Not because of any inborn sense of elitism or desire for monogamy. . . but literally, in every sense of the notion, there is plenty of him to go around. My Lucifer is my Lucifer. I’m His. Wrath will have her own, and hers will not be the same as mine. She is not the wife of the same chunk of ice that I am. And there’s nothing wrong with that. 

It makes it even more sacred. That each of us is something unique and precious to him, because the imprints that he leaves on us, as those that love him, are in turn as unique and precious as fingerprints. In the cosmic scale of things, it’s had to grasp. It’s mind-blowing.

And you know? Maybe all gods are this way. Maybe however they spring into being, however they are, there are so many and they are so vast and infinite, as many of their followers have stated, that there is no way our minds can even conceive of them. This is what makes them gods. Just like there are more comets zipping through space than we can count, so too are there gods. Like stars, innumerable, immeasurable, each one of them their own diamond. Each one of them special, beautiful, and personal to their followers. There are enough of them to go around. Whether or not they choose to interact with man is at their own discretion. Some may wish to be lovers. Some fathers, brothers. Some even just teachers. Some, only stories, or distant observers. Their vastness and hugeness sets them apart from human spirits or other entities. Because they have that power.

This brings me great peace. I’ll treasure my Lucifer; for his elegant countenance and his biting cruelty; the way he’s tender with me and merciless for those who slough in ignorance.  For his voice, that sonorous baritone, and those jade eyes, at once both tender and severe, and the way he looks at me as if I was meant just for him.

Because I was. 

He told me once I was his poet. I am, because this is one piece of him that chose me. There are others that will find others; have found others. But from this point on, I feel like I don’t have to be jealous of him. No one will experience this part of him like I do. Whatever eternity I find myself in, it’s meant to be with him. But he’s large enough that each of us can have him and none of us will have the same. That’s the beauty of all of it.

Which also gets back to a fundamental tenant of Gnostic [Theistic] Luciferianism. There is no right or wrong way to practice. And so many of us have lost sight of this. But imagine. . . if every one of us truly is unique, then maybe there’s a being out there truly meant for each and every one of us. Be it a god, a myth, a spirit, or a bodied person. And because each of us walks a different path; to spiritual truth, to personal serenity, to bliss-none of us has the right to force our ideas or our truths on another. Because their truth is not our truth, and visa versa. Their god(s) are not our gods. Unless them being the same is your truth.

I know this is a hard concept to grasp. It’s not godforms. But think; there are a billion and more people on this planet. As a Whole, we make up Human(ity). But you look closer, each one of us has our own identifying traits. Our own personalities, history, everything. Right down to our fingerprints. Maybe gods are the same way. Maybe God A is the name, but God A has a lot of different individuals that comprise it, and all with their own fingerprints, too.

Wow. 

And this is why it’s OK for there to be more than one godspouse/brother/sister/son/daughter. There’s enough room for that. For all of us. And then some.

The God/desses are amazing. 

So if I act like I’m the only Wife in the world that matters to him, it’s not because I feel I’m better than you. It’s because I don’t care what your Lucifer is, if he says you’re his. I’ll honor you as a Wife, so long as you give me the same curtousy. But I will expect that your Lucifer has Hir own fingerprints, and is not the same is mine, even if they have things in common; not everyone with hazel eyes and brown hair and tan skin are the same, after all, even if they both like black shirts.

And the same goes for Lokeans, or Dionysians, or Odinswives, or any other godworker/family/claimed. I will expect your experiences to vary among you, even if they have some skeins in common. I’ll also honor the way you are with them, and them with you, and every aspect of that relationship. Because it’s so personal and beautiful, especially, if you’re brave enough to share it with the world. 

Stars bless you all. Thanks for listening.

 

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