My spirituality isn’t based on any lore; it’s inspired by some, but in a certain unique way that I don’t think is well understood.

The foundation for my spirituality, is in fact, dreams. I view my dreams, no matter how crazy or weird or outlandish they seem to a waking mind (they’re certainly not that way when you dream them!), as a center focus point to my spiritual practice. I think this is where I start to run into the problem of miscommunicating the whole thing when I’m attempting to explain it.

There are two parts of my spirituality that are constantly at war with one another; the part that believes in an afterlife, and the part that doesn’t, that takes an almost atheistic approach to it. By that I mean, I sometimes (not always!) *don’t* believe in a conscious existence after death; and it’s that very idea, which sometimes even makes it to the level of fear, that influences everything I do.

This is why I make stories out of my dreams; why I write them down (and write period, actually) with the fervor that I do. Because if all that’s left of us when we’re gone is a story… then isn’t it up to us to make it a good one?

Which I have every intention of doing.

The Lucifer I know and love has always been a very huge part of my very colorful dream life; his voice always the  same, his presence always as beautiful as ever, in a way that words can’t do justice.

Because of that constant presence, I really don’t care how much “substance” my practice and my spirituality has to other people. Obviously, people don’t have the same dreams I do. Do I have ones that are totally weird like walking down to the grocery store with different colored sneakers to buy Roger Rabbit a smoothie (or something … ?)? Sure. Everyone does. Do I have normal dreams about fights with my mom and husband or forgetting to pack my husband’s lunch for him before he goes into work in the morning or whatever? Of course. And I won’t even get started on the nightmares.

But I also have very vivid interactions with Lu, in places that are familiar, in (relatively) sequential fashion. Either as colorful imaginings of my unconscious mind (in an atheistic ideal), or as a “real” god/spirit/ect. interacting with me. You know? I really don’t care about the particulars of it.

So I guess, in writing this out (like I just did in my journal, pondering this whole thing) … I just think that I spend a lot of time worrying about other  people seeing my practice and spirituality as “legit”, when I really honestly shouldn’t, and it’s stupid for me to try. It’s a waste of time for me to try. Explaining how a spirituality can come completely from dreams and the stories that arise from them to other people would be like Da Vinci trying to explain his flying models to a turnip.

I suppose in the past a lot of the flack I’ve gotten as a person is because I seem like a know-it-all or have a better-than-you attitude. And maybe they’re right. I don’t feel insecure in my spirituality the way a lot of other people do because mine is a direct experience. I see my god, and his spirits, and their worlds, as clearly in my dreams as I do anything when I’m awake. And maybe when the electrons in my brain stop firing those dreams, that existence ends with them. And if that’s the case, my afterlife is only substantial and made real by the stories that I created while I was here.

And maybe it’s the other way around; maybe there is something after, in which case, I’ll be right, and I’ll also be dead, and probably find all of this hilarious.

But either way? If having a very tangible practice and a spirituality based around something I can see and feel and touch every day, and being secure in the same because of that fact, makes me a know it all? Well okay. I don’t have to wonder about a lot of things because really for me it can only go one of two ways. There’s nothing so I have to write it/live it, or there’s something and the joke was on me all along. I don’t *have* to be right about Lucifer. I don’t *have* to be right about ANY.THING. Not him, his worlds, or anything to do with either or. Because I know what I see and feel when I’m in those dream-places. There’s really nothing to argue about when it comes to how I experience my relationship with him because the dreams in and of themselves were fact; they happened. They’re valid for me regardless of if they are for anyone else. And while I welcome and even encourage others to share in my experiences with me; I love discussing them; nothing in this world or any other is going to convince me that my dreams and the spirituality that arises from them aren’t just as important as anyone else’s faith, or practice. This is mine, and spiritually, it satisfies me. And if that bothers or threatens some people, I really can only feel sorry for them;  that their own spiritual foundation is so shaky they have to set about trying to degrade and destroy someone elses. Likely in an attempt to detract from their own wanting.

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