This is my facitious humor

“OKay but why do Luciferians sounds like they always have a thesaurus on hand. They are so high and mighty holy shit. Step off your high horse for five minutes to realize that no one CARES”

“Our vernacular, at least that I’m aware of, comes from the fact that a large majority of Luciferians that I’ve met, theistic or no, enjoy knowledge for the sake of knowledge and simple absorption of information for the sake of personal and spiritual growth. Not to mention the fact straying away from lallation in general makes people more inclined to listen to what you have to say. Surprise! When you conduct yourself with a modicum of tact and sapience, excepting for circumstances in which the linguistic is a parody in and of itself, you look less saxicolous and more serious about what it is you had to say in the first place.”

#not gonna lie #was a bit too amused at my own response not to share it #Luciferian pride 2015 #I laughed so hard writing this I made myself sick

The Rabbis believed, too, that a man might have children by allying himself with a demon, and although they might not be visible to human beings, yet when that man was dying they would hover round his bed, to hail him as their father. At the funeral of a bachelor the Jews of Kurdistan cast sand before the coffin to blind the eyes of the unbegotten children of the deceased.

Semitic Magic, Reginald Campbell Thompson, 1908

has the Jewish Encyclopedia as the source

I greatly prefer at my funeral that the bodiless presences of my unbegotten half-demon children be given the podium to say a few words about me and perhaps invited back afterwards for the smoked fish plate

Definitely do not throw sand in the eyes of my mourning children at my funeral, everyone

(via gwidderntree)

“This is Narooch, spawn of Lamashtu, and he will be saying a few words on behalf of our Dearly Beloved in his ancient ancestral tongue. We warn that this Eulogy may blight the land with drought.”

(via theheadlesshashasheen)

nicholewillshootyou:

Hiomy makes the best desserts. 

Not Tartini

Expecting the devil not to be a jerk when he’s teaching you how to play viola is like expecting common decency out of Bill O’Reilly.

“Your fingering is atrocius.”

“That was terrible. I almost soiled myself. It was that awful”

“Have you considered insertting a rod into your spine? It might help your posture.”

“I wouldn’t even call that a ‘G’. I don’t know what that was, but it sure wasn’t on any alphabet I know.”

… . .

T.T

me: I AM AN UNHOLY OFFSPRING OF DARKNESS. THE EARTH TREMBLES IN MY WAKE. FEAR ME, MORTALS
me: dang this is a good juicebox

Not Tartini

Expecting the devil not to be a jerk when he’s teaching you how to play viola is like expecting common decency out of Bill O’Reilly.

“Your fingering is atrocius.”

“That was terrible. I almost soiled myself. It was that awful”

“Have you considered surgery to insert a rod into your spine? It might help your posture.”

“I wouldn’t even call that a ‘G’. I don’t know what that was, but it sure wasn’t on any alphabet I know.”

. . . . .

T.T

Basically my entire spiritual life and career can be summed up as follows

• Me:*reading, minding own bidness*
• God A:Hey. Psst. I need stuff.
• Me:well that’s nice.
• God A:. . . so you should help me with stuff.
• Me:*ROLLS EYES* name please.
• God A:*gives name*
• Me:did you check with my boss [Lu] first? Pretty sure he says I’m not supposed to talk with strangers.
• God A:yeah he said it was fine.
• Me:*SIGH* Fine. What do you–
• God B:Hey! Me too while you’re at it!
• Me:now just a–
• God C:Oh and me!
• Me:No I can’t–
• God D:Hey I could use a hand over here!
• Spirit A:NO I GOT HERE FIRST
• God A:fuck off I’m a god!
• Spirit B:no fuck you I’ve been waiting in line forever.
• God C:ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME
• God D:No, she probably hates you. And you smell.
• Spirit B:WOOOOOOOOOOOooOOOOOoo *spooky noises*
• God A:WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP.
• Spirit B:*SLAMS A CHAIR AGAINST A WALL* WOOOOOOOOO
• Loki:HEH HEH HEH. Sucks to be you.
• Me:Loki. I will club you.
• Loki:I’ll set you on fire.
• God B:No one likes you Loki. We’re not ur friend. We R srs gods
• Loki:So? fuck off I’m not your friend either. Also your sister was great last night.
• God B:RAWR
• Spirit B:WOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOO
• Me:. . . T>T
• Lucifer:. . .
• Lucifer:. . . . . . .
• Lucifer:. . . . . . . . . . . I can’t leave you alone for five minutes can I.
• Me:. . . SIGH.

This came up in humored talk today:

I have this tendency to make a lot of people really mad with my ideas.

And I think to myself. ‘Why the hell do I do this’?

And then I remember I’m a Luciferian.

It’s kind of like being a Lokean. Only instead of lighting a firecracker and throwing it in a room, you just slowly hold a lighter up to the good rug and wait and see if anyone notices before the room is in flames.

It is so hard explaining Lucifer to people.

It’s like “He’s great… don’t be rude, though, He’s sorta like Hannibal Lecter in that way.”

“It’s not really a bad thing”

“I guess…”

“Just don’t be an asshat and you won’t be eaten.”

“Wait let me start over.”

~ via stormywitch

Gods though

• You be like:so am I supposed to do this thing
• Gods be like: well we don’t make you do things
• Gods be like:we just open the way so you can do things.
• Gods be like:…
• You be like:…
• Gods be like: so you should probably do the thing since we went through the trouble and everything